Swiftly Shovelling Crap On A Fire
“At AOL, we have zero-tolerance for customer care incidents like this - which is deeply regrettable and also absolutely inexcusable. The employee in question violated our customer service guidelines and practices, and everything that AOL believes to be important in customer care - chief among them being respect for the member, and swiftly honoring their requests. This matter was dealt with immediately and appropriately, and the employee cited here is no longer with the Company.”
Many of you will recognize that statement. It came out of the mouth of Nicholas Graham to just about every news reporter he could give it to. He even put it in a written apology to me intended for publication here for you, my readers. Nicholas was out in front of the cancellation story, and we were being made to believe that AOL is proactively addressing these issues because they value their customers (even exiting ones) dearly. We were all meant to feel warm and fuzzy because something was done and AOL wasn’t tolerating a misbehaving employee. Hell, I never doubted the sincerity of the AOL folks who spoke to me for a second. Why should I? I had no reason to.
AOL has tried, and feverishly so, to paint this as an isolated aberration outside the realm of normal everyday practices at the online giant. For all their spinning, and no matter how many employees they fire, and no matter how much spin they dish out of their corporate offices in New York and in Virginia, one indisputable fact remains.
They’re full of crap.
I have proof.
Apparently, someone in AOL’s Retention Department dropped a little package off over at Gawker Media. When Ben opened it, he was gifted with an actual copy of AOL’s Retention Department manual. I won’t bore you with the details of it. Frankly, it’s loaded with fake touchy-feely corporate empathy for their valued members. One page, though, really sent me into a frothing frenzy.

As Consumerist put it when they ran that graphic:
In a public statement, AOL’s Nicholas Graham claimed that John, “violated our customer service guidelines and practices, and everything that AOL believes to be important in customer care - chief among them being respect for the member, and swiftly honoring their requests.” If this is true, then why is there such a complex system designed to thwart those very requests? Brevity thrives on simplicity.
It angers me no end that Jon was fired. Oh sure he was annoying, and he seemed to have a problem listening to spoken English, but he was obviously following procedure and was fired for doing so; the spin being that he didn’t honor my request quickly.
Are you kidding me, AOL?
In the interview with CNN, AOL explained that they were monitoring my comment section and handing out the comments left there as “required summer reading.” Well you know what? We now have our own “required summer reading,” my friends, and it’s your corporate manual. The very thing you’ve gotten into every newspaper and television interview and contradicted is the one thing we have in our hands.
You’re lying, and we have the proof.
It should be interesting now, to see if AOL tries to do any more damage control over the release of the manual. No longer can they just deny their policies and pretend they don’t exist. No longer can they call their policies an outrage, aberration, mistake, or isolated incident. In fact, when you read something like this:
If you stop and think about it, every Member that calls in to cancel their account is a hot lead. Most other sales jobs require you to create your own leads, but in the Retention Queue the leads come to you! Be eager to take more calls, get more leads and close more sales. More leads means more selling opportunities for you and cost savings for AOL.
You really do have to wonder if they really give a crap about you wanting to cancel your account after all.
Knowing that AOL is probably still reading my blog, I’d love to pose an open challenge to any AOL execs that are still handing out snippets of my site as “required summer reading.” Go ahead and explain your theory of honoring member requests quickly and respecting your members. And while you’re doing it, remember we have the manual in our hands that basically says we’re all numbers and “hot leads.”
Mr. Graham, as you put it in the New York Times, we’ve had our “Eureka Moment.”
And the discovery is that you and your company are full of it.
Technorati Tags: nicholas graham, aol, retention, liars
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